「ksk」

After half an hour of stuttering and black-outs, my history teacher announced in thanks the time-out. The expert examiner who sat on the side and spent all the time taking some notes, whilst sighing every here and then when I talked (which proved enough that I talked utter garbage all the time), looked up to me.

“Did you prepare yourself for this exam?” she asked

“Uhh.. yes?” I answered carefully, but of course I couldn’t tell that I’ve had a lot of trouble at doing that. So I kept that for myself and just answered ‘yes’.

“I don’t really think it was like that” she replied quickly. I felt a soft hit on my head.
“It’s a shame for the time we take for doing this” – I felt something dying inside of me.

Sweet! It’s always nice to know that I’ve been wasting 30 minutes of their precious lives because I’m a hopeless doofus if it’s about history. Partly shocked and daunted, I took my leave as fast as possible.

If it wasn’t for that I could’ve dealt with the fact that I messed up the exam, but the way she put it felt like a sole accusation that I haven’t tried hard at all.

I think over and over again that it’s just better when people keep some things for themselves; and I’m not really the type of person who can deal with reproaches telling me how much I suck. As if I wasn’t aware of that, go die in a fire you old hagヽ(#`Д´)ﾉ

… On the other hand I’m pretty inconsolable right now. I hoped to be at least able to do well this time and end up failing instead, after work I’ll fail another time, and so on. So it’s not really great to hear from people how I waste their time, because it’s something I worry about pretty often. But I guess I’ve done that once, twice, thrice, or don’t know how many times already.

At least I’ve got the chance to mess up one more exam, but I don’t really feel confident anymore. God darn it…